Bully ka rin!

5 02 2014

PREAMBLE: Alam ko matagal na simula nung huli kong blog. Sa mga masusugid kong mambabasa, salamat at kahit paano ay may bumibisita pa rin sa blog ko kahit na alam kong mga aksidenteng na-click niyo lang ito hoping na isa itong blog ng mananakbong doktor. Sa mga kebs lang, salamat din at nagawi kayo dito.

Ito ay hango sa kwento ng aking kaibigang itatago natin sa pangalang Georgina. Ubod kasi siya ng sexy, you’ll jizz in your pants. (GMG sa mga hindi naka-gets).

Well, si Georgina ay kakaalis lang sa opisina kung saan ko siya nakasama bilang taga-dila ng envelope sa isang malaking lugawan.

Backstory: Si Georgina ay kilala nung high school pa bilang isa sa mga nang-aapi sa classmate niya dahil sa kaitiman ng balat. Kinamalas-malas naman niya na isa nang senador ang classmate niyang ito. Si Georgina rin ay napatawag na sa principal’s office kasi napagkamalan siyang sumigaw ng “Nog-nog” sa gitna ng speech ng ama ng classmate niyang hindi kaputian.

Anyhow, may kabutihang loob naman itong si Georgina. Hindi naman kami siguro magkakasundo kung hindi. Or siguro lang pareho kaming masama ang ugali.

Ngayon, nag-resign siya dahil nakahanap ng ibang lugawan na may libreng pabahay. Akala niya mas mapapabuti ang buhay niya. Hindi daw. Mayron daw kasi sa kanyang nambu-bully. Nung una, natawa ako. Paano ba naman may mambubully sa kanya? Eh mas di hamak na hindi siya magpapaapi. Nung in-elaborate niya, nagulat ako.

Minsan daw, habang nasa station siya biglang may lumapit sa kanya, na ating pangalanang si Ermengard, at pinuna ang grande caramel macchiato niya na binibili naman niya araw-araw kasi yun ang secret niya sa kanyang kaseksihan. Sabi daw, “Wow, Starbucks! Sign of success!” Condescendingly, syempre. Ito daw ay galing sa isang malditang ka-opis niya na obviously anak mayaman.

Isang beses pa, lumapit uli si Ermengard at pinuna ang mga bag niya at gadgets. Sabi, “Wow, ang gaganda ng gamit mo ah. Nakuha mo na ang back-pay mo?” Araw-araw nagpatuloy ang matatalas na comments na ito, ayon kay Georgina.

Dahil alam kong maldita rin si Georgina, tinanong ko kung ano ang ginawa niya. Sinubukan daw niya magsumbong pero patuloy pa rin si Ermengard sa pang-aapi sa kanya.

Nung una, nainis ako kay Ermengard. Hindi ko maisip kung bakit niya ginagawa kay Georgina yun. Nung napaisip ako, sinabi ko kay Georgina, kinakarma na siya. Masakit pero totoo. It sucks to be at the receiving end of bullying.

Mas madaling sabihin o isipin na tayo ay na-bully. Nung high school, ng mga classmate o schoolmate, ng mga kalaro, ng mga kapatid, ng mga magulang. Ang mahirap tanggapin na madalas tayo ang bully. Isipin mo, yung tipong nagsabi ka lang ng masamang comment about sa itsura ng nakasalubong mo; or pinuna mo ang suot ng nakasabay mo sa elevator at naghagikgikan kayo ng mga kaibigan mo. Lahat tayo bully. Minsan nagkakaiba lang sa time kung ikaw ang bully o ikaw ang binu-bully.

Maswerte ka kung hindi mo pa nararanasan na ma-bully. Pero isipin mo rin: paano kung biglang magbago ang ihip ng hangin? Paano kung i-bully ka ng boss mo? Paano kung hindi ikaw, kundi ang anak mo naman ang i-bully?

Ngayon mo isipin kung magko-comment ka pa sa amoy ng nakasabay mo sa elevator na hindi mo alam ay napalayas pala sa inuupahang apartment kasi nabaon sa utang. Ngayon mo isipi kung pagtatawanan niyo ba ang matabang babaena nakita niyong naglalakad na mayron na palang inferiority complex simula nung bata pa lang at konting-konti na lang ay magpapakamatay na.





My 2011

27 12 2011

The year’s about to end and I figured it’s just timely enough for me to look back into the year that was.

  • First year anniversary of Run, MD! Run!
    • Run, MD! Run! Was created for the main purpose of encouraging me to run at least twice a month. Well, so far, I’ve only managed to run twice this year and with 4 days left of this year, I don’t think that number’s gonna increase. But anyhow, thanks for everyone who bid their greetings for this milestone.
  • I didn’t get the promotion I applied for but I got in to a leadership training
    • Yes, I got depressed for quite a long time after that and actually considered choosing another job but after a few months, I got in to this leadership training and I am now on a manager relief role. I’m not yet there, but I’m getting there. But it’s one hell of a path to get there. I just hope I survive (but please let me get the promotion).
  • I went to Singapore
    • It was better than Hong Kong. I enjoyed it because there’s more to see in Singapore than in Hong Kong and it’s easier to get along with the locals since they speak and understand functional English. But then I had less money when we went to Singapore than when we went to Hong Kong. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that Singapore’s more expensive than Hong Kong.
  • Photography
    • I got into photography shortly after the Singapore trip. I enrolled in a Basic Photography class. My expectations: a class full of clueless brats who can afford a DSLR. Reality: a whole bunch of semi-professionals who enrolled to Basic Photography to get through Advanced level then to Wedding/Landscape Photography. Ending: I felt like crap. All my photos are worse than when I took them using my very first camera phone. Only with a bigger file size. Fuck.
  • Busy, busy, busy
    • I became so busy with the leadership program then photography, then work, then sleeping. I was so tired on weekdays that I have to allot a day during the weekend just to allow myself to get back all the hours I lack in sleep. In the end, I couldn’t pay much attention in my leadership class; I was so busy with work that I didn’t had the time to properly plan my finale photo for the class that the critic that I got from my photo was “inappropriate” and “amateurish”; I was so mad most of the time that I got in to so much verbal fights that I thought I’m going nuts and I considered getting into an anger management class. But I thought it’s another time I had to subtract from my restless week… bad idea.
  • Fat
    • I started the year weighing 140lbs. That’s why I wanted to run to lose some of that weight and then get into a gym to turn that fat into lean muscles. Didn’t happen. Like I said, I was so busy that lack so much sleep and I compensated with eating just so I won’t disintegrate at work. Now I weigh around 160lbs and my neck started fusing with my face, I lost my jaw line.
  • Rufus and Rover
    • We bought Rufus for my birthday but then a week later he died of canine parvo-virus. A month later, we bought Rover and we thought we’re gonna keep him forever. Life is a bitch and decided to fuck me and took Rover from us after 3 months. I’m gonna tell you more about this on my next post. But before I do, let me just say, “Fuck you, life, for taking Rufus and Rover from us”.
  • Bankruptcy
    • Because of the vet bills and medicines and all other expenses with Rover and Rufus, I drained my savings account dry. I didn’t get to spend Christmas with my older brother who happens to be the only one in my family who’s still in the country but then probably already hates me for not spending Christmas with him. I didn’t get to see my nephews and youngest who was born on Christmas day because I don’t have money: money to give them and money for a jeepney ride to their houses.

There’s a lot more but I can’t say it here. But I think that’s more than enough reason why my 2011 sucks big time and this is what I have to say about it…

Although there were some ups but the downs far outweigh it so yeah… F**K YOU 2011.

So what if the world’s gonna end on 2012, it sure beats living 2011 all over again.

 

Disclaimer: You’d probably think that I have the rich kid problem, but let me just point out that I’m not really complaining. I’m just contemplating on how bad the year was for me but yet I’m still alive. If 2011 is this much suck-y for me, then the future looks bright since it couldn’t get any worse than that…

 

I think…

 

I hope.





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2 11 2010

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O Aking Irog!

6 08 2010

Pagbalik ko sa trabaho, may natagpuan akong “Love Letter” sa aking locker (Pasensya na JKuli, hindi ko talaga matagalog yun eh). Maghinay-hinay muna, dahil hindi naman nakapangalan sa akin ang liham na iyon. Siguro nagkamali lang ng hulog yung taong nagpadala ng liham o nilagay doon ng pinagpadalhan. Ewan ko. Basta, natawa lang ako sa kung ano ang nakasulat. Sa wikang ingles ang liham kaya isasalin ko ito sa wikang gamay na gamay ko hindi talaga.

Mahal kong Momay
(hindi tunay na pangalan),

Gusto kong makausap kang muli…
Makita kang muli…
Makasama… makayakap…
Gusto kong ikaw lang ang kapiling habangbuhay…
Gusto kong tumanda kasama ka…
Blah
Blah

Nagmamahal,
Noah
(hindi rin tunay na pangalan)

Agad ko itong pinakita sa mga kasama ko at sama-sama naming pinagtawanan at pinandirihan ang liham. May numero pa ito sa tupi ng liham na para bang hinahangad ni Noah na tawagan o i-text ni Momay. Lalo kaming nandiri! Pagtapos ay amin ring itinapon ang liham.

Naisip ko bigla, bakit kami nagkagano’n? Lahat naman kami’y mga nakakaranas o nakaranas na ng aming tikim sa pag-ibig pero bakit gano’n ang reaksyon namin sa liham na iyon. Oo, may pagka-baduy ang nilalaman ng liham pero hindi ba lahat naman tayo dumaan rin sa gano’n?

Naalala mo noong ika’y nagbibinata o nagdadalaga na sa tuwing dumadaan ang napupusuan eh hindi ka magkahumayaw sa pagtatago sa ilalim ng upuan mo na parang nakikita ka niya? Pero sa loob mo ay kinikilig ang lahat ng buto mo’t kalamnan.

Pag-uwi ko galling opisina at habang naglalakad papunta sa bahay namin, naisip ko ang lagay ng relasyon naming. Nasaang yugto na ba kami? Minsan parang nakakasawa na. Araw-araw na nakikita… minsan nakakainis pa… nakaka-urat!

Siguro normal nang nangyayari sa isang relasyon ang ganito. Plateau-nic stage daw sa wikang ingles. Yung hindi naman bumababa ang lebel ng pag-ibig kundi,”Steady” lang. Hindi nadaragdagan… hindi rin nababawasan.

Pero naisip ko, kung nasa ganoong estado na kami ng aming relasyon, ang susunod ba ay pababa na? Magiging isa na naman ba ako sa mga taong kumakapa sa kawalan at naghahanap ng iibigin muli?

Naisip ko rin ang napakaraming mag-irog na naghiwalay. Naisip kong nakakapanghinayang namang isipin na sa tagal na pinagsamahan, sa dami ng pinagdaanan, ang dalawang taong nagsimula ng may napakaraming bagay na magkaparehas ay maghihiwalay bilang dalawang magkaibang nilalang.

Pagdating sa bahay at pagbukas ko ng pintuan, nakita ko siya at muling napalagay ang loob ko. Naroon siya at ako’y sa kanya. Muli kong natikman ang kanyang halik at naalala kung bakit kami ang magkasama. Muli kong nalaman kung bakit sa kabila ng minsanang pagka-irita ko at kawalan ng pasensya niya ay magkasama pa rin kami. Muli kong naisip na dapat ipagpasalamat ko ang bawat saglit na nakikita ka. Muli kong naisip na sa kabila ng tampuhan, awayan at kung anu-ano pa ay yumayakap ka pa rin sa akin.

Pag-ibig nga naman!





iCaptain Backfire

13 07 2010

Para kay “Ngaw-Ngaw” a.k.a Kreng, Bata, atbp.

I said too much again.

Nagbibiruan lang nung una. Nagtatawanan. Nagaasaran.

Hanggang sa…

Ayun, may nasabi akong hindi mo nagustuhan.

Hindi ka na kumibo.

Sabi nila, “It’s only words”. Pero hindi natin alam na mas matindi pa ang salita.

Isipin niyo nga ang mga salitang nasabi sa inyo na nasaktan kayo, mapa-sadya o hindi…

Marami noh?

Patunay lang yan kung gaano katindi ang epekto ng salita sa tao. Hanggang sa pagtanda mo, madalas matatandaan. Although you learn to forget some, it’s mostly because you got so used to it.

Sticks and stones…

Mas mahirap gamutin ang sugat na dala ng mga salitang nasambit kaysa sa mga sugat na gawa ng mga patpat o bato.

Madalas akong sabihan ni Mrs. Tirones noong high school ako kapag ako’y tinatawag niya para mag-recite at hindi ko masabi ng maayos ang sasabihin ko, “Compose your thoughts”. Pero hindi pa rin ako natuto na mag-isip ng mangilang ulit bago magsalita.

Sa galit mo, may nasabi ka rin. Ouch! I deserve that for being a jerk.

Pero I’m glad na nakita ko rin kung paano ka magalit. At least for now alam ko na kung saan at paano ako lulugar.

Again, sorry! Peace na tayo.

Wag na init ulo, baby.

Dinggin mo, please, payong ito…

Inom tubig, nood ng TV…





Not myself

31 05 2010

Would you love me when I’m not myself?

Sa likod ng nabuo mong imahe kung sino ako, mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako kapag nakita mong iba ako?

Galing ako sa isang ubod na nakakapagod na biyahe papauwi at biglang may bumunggo sa akin, magbabago ba ang isip mo tungkol sa akin kapag bigla kong sinapak ang nakabunggo sa akin?

Minsan naiisip kong may sanib ako. Yung ilang pagkakataon sa buhay ko na hindi ko mawari kung ano ang nakain ko at nagawa ko ang ilang bagay na pinagsisisihan ko.

Gaya nung minsang may hinila akong babae sa loob ng taxi dahil nauna ako sa kanya at inagaw niya ang taxi na iyon. Hindi ako proud sa pangyayaring iyon, pero naunahan ng galit, pagod at init ng panahon ang judgement ko.

O kaya naman, kapag bigla akong nagagalit at hindi ka na kinikibo noong nag-order tayo sa Chowking at biglang naputol ang linya.

Kapag hindi na ako ang nakilala mo – iyung taong minahal mo dahil sa kabaitan, pagiging maunawain, tahimik – mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako?

Kapag nalaman mong hindi pala totoo ang mukhang pinakita ko sa’yo simula ng makilala mo ako, ititigil mo na rin bang mahalin ako?

Hindi ko masisigurado kung hanggang kalian ako ganito sa paningin mo. Pero kung magbago man ako sa paningin mo, magbabago rin ba ang pagmamahal na binigay mo sa akin?

Mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako?





A Promise to Lily

9 05 2010

Dear Lily,

The first time I saw you, I have to admit that there are doubts in my mind. Will you break my heart? Will I break yours? Will our love last? But because my heart has a mind of its own, I just found myself moving closer to where you are. I thought that probably I could get near you to see you closer. But one step became two… then two steps became three… and before I know it, I’m just right behind you – looking at your beauty. Although I’m tempted, I tried my best for you not to see me. Because I thought, if I’d see your eyes, I would fall into a spell and I’d stay longer and may never leave your side until you come with me.

But the unavoidable happened. I stayed a little too long that your eyes met mine.

From that moment, everything around me went slow-motion. First I touched your hands. Then I had to put you in my arms. And before I had the chance to savor the moment I had you in my arms, you kissed me.

I wanted you to come with me. Brave all odds and just know that we love each other.

I could just imagine the days we will spend together. Every waking day, you greet me with those eyes that caught me and then everything else on that day would be just perfect. I would go home from work and would kiss you and tell you how my day went until we fall asleep.

But reality came to me.

I just couldn’t.

I still have too less space in my life for you, so though it pains me so much, I had to let you go… for now.

But before I go I had to leave you with a promise. I will return.

And in my return I’ll make sure that everything in my life will be perfect – nothing to ever hurt you.

Please hold on for me.

But if by chance I didn’t come back for you, please know how my heart breaks for not coming back for you. It just means I still am in the ruins. I don’t want to bring you in my life if it would mean that you would have to bear all the hurt and hardships with me. So if you find someone else before I could get back to you, it just means it’s not meant to be.

I’ll let you go for now. But if we meet again, I will make sure that I won’t leave that place without you with me.

Love,

MD

Ito si Lily… not her true picture but you get the idea. We found her in Tien De Sitas and just couldn’t leave the store when we saw her. But because we don’t have much space for a pet, we had to leave her for now. Until we move to our new place, we couldn’t bring her home. Isa pang factor eh si Lily ang magiging kauna-unahang aso ko. Gusto ko maging special ang lahat bago ko siya maiuwi. Kaya ngayon, nagba-browse muna ako ng mga Beagle Pup Care tips para kapag nakalipat na kami eh ready na akong ampunin si Lily. ‘wag nga lang sanang maunahan kami. Kaya Lily hold on!

We decided to name her Lily dahil sa palabas na Gossip Girl. Kung may maibibigay kayong tips kung paano mag-alaga ng tuta, ay lubos kong maa-appreciate.

Salamat!