Rufus

16 12 2011

I wasn’t on hiatus if anyone’s asking. I’ve just been busy with work, that’s it. Well, I’m not at work all week, but I’m busy resting and trying to get back some sleep I’ve lost during the weekday on weekends. This proves that you can never have work-life balance. I was told that if you talk too much about work life balance, you either do not work, or have no life at all.

I’ve tried several times to write something using the WordPress app on my phone, but that didn’t do me good. I attempted to write about Rufus, our first dog, but I thought it was too long and maybe no one would read it.

This is Rufus, 3 months old, Shih Tzu

Rufus is a 3-month old Shih Tzu when we first got him days after my birthday. We had him examined by a vet and was told that he needs to stay in our house for a week more before we proceed with the normal grooming and shots. We took him home and had to keep him in the carrier that we bought him with. It was the most heart-breaking sound when he cried through the night but we had to be strong to make him used to being alone at night. In the morning, we took him out for a walk around the neighborhood, we were the happiest seeing Rufus run and sniff around.

Saturday morning, I went home from work to feed Rufus. I felt bad because I had to leave him right away because I had a class that day. I didn’t place him back the carrier because I thought it’s too small for him. Instead, I placed him on his leash and left. Before I locked the door, I heard him cry. When I got home, we bought him a crate and he looks like he loved it.

Sunday, we stayed home to play with him the whole day. I loved the way he would crawl in the space between the bean bag where I would normally sit and the sofa. There he would beckon for me to scratch his belly and he would go straight to sleep.

Monday, I left early for work and went back the next morning @ 4am. Here I fed him right away but noticed he didn’t eat any of the food I gave him. I thought he’s probably not in the mood to eat. So I placed him back in his crate and went to sleep. When I wake up @9am, we found some vomit on the tray under his crate and I wondered where that came from since he didn’t eat that morning. I thought he might have just eaten something that didn’t agree with him. But when we tried to call him, he won’t move and appeared lethargic. We immediately rushed him to the vet where we found that he had Parvo. We were told that he had a 50/50 chance of surviving.

The next day, I called the vet for updates on Rufus but I was told that he wouldn’t eat and kept vomiting and his stool is still soft. I feared for the worst. We visited him for 3 days and noticed that he would try his best to still respond when although we were told that his health is not improving.

Friday morning, it was my turn to visit and I’m stuck in traffic on my way to the vet. I received a call from the Vet and was told that Rufus can’t breathe anymore, I was already crying. I told the cab driver to hurry. Just a few meters from the vet’s clinic, I received another call and this time a lady spoke to me saying that Rufus had already passed away. When I was called to get inside the operating room, I saw lying on the table the life-less body of Rufus. I cried so hard.

We were told that it’s impossible that Rufus caught the virus when he was with us since the virus had an incubation period of 7 to 14 days. Rufus may have had the virus already when we bought him. Funny because Rufus had the slip with all these vaccines showing he should’ve had immunity to this virus. We were told that the pet shop we bought him from may have just injected the vaccines themselves or probably didn’t do it at all.

The most heart-breaking part of it is that he is our first pet and we didn’t even had the chance to bathe him or had him groomed.

Now I understand why certain pet owners go to the extent of pampering their pets that it sometimes border exaggeration. Those days, no matter how few, when we went home and see Rufus jumping and barking at us made us alive once again and made us feel that someone’s waiting for us. Now I understand what made me cry when my uncle had our family dog killed for pulutan.

Rufus is just one in thousands of dogs sold in pet stores for a bargain price and probably meant nothing to the owner than a few thousand pesos. He is just one in thousands of dogs, everyday that are abused and killed because they couldn’t get a home. We’re just glad that we took Rufus out of that place and we somehow managed to make him feel loved and made us feel loved no matter how brief.





Wanted, Kuya

29 01 2011

Sila ang mga pamangkin ko. Si Vhon ang nasa kaliwa, si Vince ang nasa kanan. Hindi ako yung astronaut. Sa litratong ito, makikita niyo ba kung sino ang mas pilyo? Clue, hindi yung astronaut.

Born a day after I turned 21, Vhon came in the most unexpected time. I remember he was the cutest little baby, walang bias. Para siyang si Jose Rizal, maliit ang katawan at malaki ang ulo. Si Kuya ko ang kinuhang ninong alinsunod sa nakasanayang tamang order ng pagpili ng ninong kahit na anong pilit ko na ako dapat kasi magkasunod lang kami ng birthday.

Nung lumalaki si Vhon, napansin kong napakatahimik niyang bata. Kapag may kakausap sa kanya, titignan lang niya; laging nakanganga. Todo effort patawanin or pangitiin kapag kinukunan ng picture pero hindi naman suplado or matatakutin sa tao.

Vince was born 2 years after his Kuya Vhon. Nauna akong pumunta sa center nung pinanganak siya. Siguro dahil sa ako ang naunang nagpunta nung pinanganak siya or alinsunod din sa nakagawian, ako ang piniling ninong.

Masungit, suplado at moody. Laging nakakabit sa nanay niya.

Naging busy ako sa trabaho kaya hindi ko nasubaybayan ang paglaki ni Vince. Nakita ko na lang siya ulet nitong December. Umuwi kasi sila mama at papa para dito magbakasyon; unang beses nilang makikita ang bunso nilang apo. Nagulat ako na ibang-iba na ang batang dati’y ayaw magpakarga sa akin. Ngumiti siya at tinawag akong “Dada” (tawag kasi ng mga kamag-anak ko sa akin ay Dan-dan). Pagsambit ni Vince ng Dada, pakiramdam ko kilalang kilala niya ako kahit na dun lang niya ako ulit nakita.

Napansin ko minsan habang naglalaro silang magkapatid, kasama ang mga anak ng mga pinsan namin, na si Vhon ang mas tahimik di tulad ni Vince na paikot-ikot at panay interact sa ibang kalaro. Nakuha ni Vince ang ugali ng daddy niya at nakuha naman ni Vhon ang ugali ko. Maya-maya pa’y dumating na ang kalaro nilang isang malaking bully. Pinagkukuha ang mga laruan at tinulak si Vhon. Hindi nag-react si Vhon at biglang lumapit si Vince at tinulak ang tumulak sa kuya niya. Nung umambang gaganti ang bully sa kanya, bigla namang sumipa si Vince para hindi na makalapit sa kuya niya ang bully. Syempre, bilang tiyuhin nila kunwari sinaway ko ang violence, pero sa loob ko tuwang-tuwa ako.

Don’t get me wrong, hindi ko tinuturuan na maging bayolente or basag-ulo ang mga pamangkin ko. Lalong hindi ko tino-tolerate ang sakitan. Ang kinatuwa ko ay kung paano pinakita ni Vince ang pagmamahal niya sa Kuya niya. Napansin ko na everytime may umaaway sa kuya niya, lumalapit siya sa kanya at hinaharang ang umaaway at pinagtatanggol ang kuya niya.

Dito ako naiinggit sa kanila. Hindi kasi ganun ang mga kapatid ko. Although we grew up together, magkakaiba ang paglaki namin. Si kuya, tahimik lang at hindi nakikisalamuha sa tao kahit kamag-anak. Yung bunso, lahat ng kapitbahay kilala. Ako, yung kilala ko lang kinakausap ko. Hindi ako lumaking may kakampi. Kaya naman nung nagkamuang na ako at nagkaroon ng kakayanang kumita ng pera, bumukod na ako sa mga kapatid ko. Bagay na hindi maintindihan nila mama.

Kapag naaalala ko ang mga pamangkin ko, naiisip ko kung paano ba dapat ang mga magkakapatid. Mas magkatugma ang DNA ng magkapatid kaya dapat mas malalim ang ugnayan. Naiinggit nga ako sa mga kwento ng magkakapatid na sobrang close. Minsan kapag may nakakausap ako, iniisip ko na sana, swap na lang sila ng mga kapatid ko. Hindi naman kasi uso ang heart to heart talk or bonding sa pamilya namin.

Tinitignan ko lagi ang mga picture ng mga pamangkin ko. Nakakatuwa lalo na kapag magkaparehas ang mga damit nila. Naaalala ko noon na sa lahat halos ng picture naming magkakapatid, lagi magkakaparehas ang damit naming. Naiisip ko tuloy, kung ang ugnayan naming magkakapatid ay gaya ng sa mga pamangkin ko. Sana nung may umaaway sa akin nung bata ako, may nagtatanggol din.

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2 11 2010

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iCaptain Backfire

13 07 2010

Para kay “Ngaw-Ngaw” a.k.a Kreng, Bata, atbp.

I said too much again.

Nagbibiruan lang nung una. Nagtatawanan. Nagaasaran.

Hanggang sa…

Ayun, may nasabi akong hindi mo nagustuhan.

Hindi ka na kumibo.

Sabi nila, “It’s only words”. Pero hindi natin alam na mas matindi pa ang salita.

Isipin niyo nga ang mga salitang nasabi sa inyo na nasaktan kayo, mapa-sadya o hindi…

Marami noh?

Patunay lang yan kung gaano katindi ang epekto ng salita sa tao. Hanggang sa pagtanda mo, madalas matatandaan. Although you learn to forget some, it’s mostly because you got so used to it.

Sticks and stones…

Mas mahirap gamutin ang sugat na dala ng mga salitang nasambit kaysa sa mga sugat na gawa ng mga patpat o bato.

Madalas akong sabihan ni Mrs. Tirones noong high school ako kapag ako’y tinatawag niya para mag-recite at hindi ko masabi ng maayos ang sasabihin ko, “Compose your thoughts”. Pero hindi pa rin ako natuto na mag-isip ng mangilang ulit bago magsalita.

Sa galit mo, may nasabi ka rin. Ouch! I deserve that for being a jerk.

Pero I’m glad na nakita ko rin kung paano ka magalit. At least for now alam ko na kung saan at paano ako lulugar.

Again, sorry! Peace na tayo.

Wag na init ulo, baby.

Dinggin mo, please, payong ito…

Inom tubig, nood ng TV…





Not myself

31 05 2010

Would you love me when I’m not myself?

Sa likod ng nabuo mong imahe kung sino ako, mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako kapag nakita mong iba ako?

Galing ako sa isang ubod na nakakapagod na biyahe papauwi at biglang may bumunggo sa akin, magbabago ba ang isip mo tungkol sa akin kapag bigla kong sinapak ang nakabunggo sa akin?

Minsan naiisip kong may sanib ako. Yung ilang pagkakataon sa buhay ko na hindi ko mawari kung ano ang nakain ko at nagawa ko ang ilang bagay na pinagsisisihan ko.

Gaya nung minsang may hinila akong babae sa loob ng taxi dahil nauna ako sa kanya at inagaw niya ang taxi na iyon. Hindi ako proud sa pangyayaring iyon, pero naunahan ng galit, pagod at init ng panahon ang judgement ko.

O kaya naman, kapag bigla akong nagagalit at hindi ka na kinikibo noong nag-order tayo sa Chowking at biglang naputol ang linya.

Kapag hindi na ako ang nakilala mo – iyung taong minahal mo dahil sa kabaitan, pagiging maunawain, tahimik – mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako?

Kapag nalaman mong hindi pala totoo ang mukhang pinakita ko sa’yo simula ng makilala mo ako, ititigil mo na rin bang mahalin ako?

Hindi ko masisigurado kung hanggang kalian ako ganito sa paningin mo. Pero kung magbago man ako sa paningin mo, magbabago rin ba ang pagmamahal na binigay mo sa akin?

Mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako?





Tay Masyin

2 05 2010

Which point in time would you like to go to?

Nabuo ang ideya ng Time Travel noong 19th century – Rip Van Winkle to name a few. Although bago pa masimulan ang konsepto ng time travelling back in time, may ilang reference sa Hindu Mythology kung saan naglakbay naman sila sa hinaharap. (Please disregard any historical inaccuracy)

Ano’ng punto nito?

Nagsimula akong magtanong sa mga tao kung bibigyan sila ng pagkakataong pumunta sa kahit saang punto ng panahon, mas maraming gustong bumalik sa kanilang nakaraan. Madalas, mga gustong bumalik sa High School para ayusin yung grades nila. Isa na ako dun!

Marami akong ginawa sa nakaraan na pinagsisisihan ko hanggang ngayon. Mga bagay na bigla na lang ako’ng napapa-palm face kasi so sobrang nakakahiya or nakakabuwiset na naiiisip ko kung bakit ko ba nagawa. Or mga bagay na sana ginawa ko.

Everyone wants to go back in time to perfect or correct something that didn’t go in their favor in their past. We don’t realize that by having those days or that imperfect time in your life brings glory to those other days or point of time in your life that you did something right or everything went in your favor.

Sa buhay ko ngayon, natutunan ko na pointless na pagsisihan ko ang mga bagay na nakaraan na. Kung wala ang mga bagay na iyon, mapa-pangit o sobrang ganda, sa buhay ko, wala ako sa kinatatayuan ko ngayon.

Although setting aside the drama, isa ring point in time na gusto kong puntahan ay yung Trojan Condoms War. Yung point na niregaluhan ng Achaeans yung mga Trojans ng Trojan Horse. Dun lang ako sa gilid tumatawa, “Wahaha, hindi nila alam may mga soldier sa loob nung horse!”

Ikaw, which point in time would you like to go to?





With or Without You

27 04 2010

Hindi ko alam kung bakit mo ako kailangang papahirapan ng ganito. Sa kasalanang ginawa ko, ganun ba kabigat sa’yo na hanggang ngayon ay hindi mo makalimutan ang ginawa ko.

Oo na. Nagkamali na ako noon. Patawad na.

Hindi pa ba sapat ang makita mo akong ganito araw-araw?

Ano pa ba ang pwede kong gawin para lang makalimutan mo na iyong ginawa ko?

Siguro nga hindi mo ako ganoon kamahal ‘di gaya ng sinasabi mo. Ayon sa mga natutunan ko kasi, “Lahat ng taong marunong magmahal, marunong magpatawad.” At ang nagmamahal, hindi nagtatala ng pagkakamali.

Hanggang kalian mo ba gagawin sa akin ito?

Magsalita ka naman.

Please?