My 2011

27 12 2011

The year’s about to end and I figured it’s just timely enough for me to look back into the year that was.

  • First year anniversary of Run, MD! Run!
    • Run, MD! Run! Was created for the main purpose of encouraging me to run at least twice a month. Well, so far, I’ve only managed to run twice this year and with 4 days left of this year, I don’t think that number’s gonna increase. But anyhow, thanks for everyone who bid their greetings for this milestone.
  • I didn’t get the promotion I applied for but I got in to a leadership training
    • Yes, I got depressed for quite a long time after that and actually considered choosing another job but after a few months, I got in to this leadership training and I am now on a manager relief role. I’m not yet there, but I’m getting there. But it’s one hell of a path to get there. I just hope I survive (but please let me get the promotion).
  • I went to Singapore
    • It was better than Hong Kong. I enjoyed it because there’s more to see in Singapore than in Hong Kong and it’s easier to get along with the locals since they speak and understand functional English. But then I had less money when we went to Singapore than when we went to Hong Kong. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that Singapore’s more expensive than Hong Kong.
  • Photography
    • I got into photography shortly after the Singapore trip. I enrolled in a Basic Photography class. My expectations: a class full of clueless brats who can afford a DSLR. Reality: a whole bunch of semi-professionals who enrolled to Basic Photography to get through Advanced level then to Wedding/Landscape Photography. Ending: I felt like crap. All my photos are worse than when I took them using my very first camera phone. Only with a bigger file size. Fuck.
  • Busy, busy, busy
    • I became so busy with the leadership program then photography, then work, then sleeping. I was so tired on weekdays that I have to allot a day during the weekend just to allow myself to get back all the hours I lack in sleep. In the end, I couldn’t pay much attention in my leadership class; I was so busy with work that I didn’t had the time to properly plan my finale photo for the class that the critic that I got from my photo was “inappropriate” and “amateurish”; I was so mad most of the time that I got in to so much verbal fights that I thought I’m going nuts and I considered getting into an anger management class. But I thought it’s another time I had to subtract from my restless week… bad idea.
  • Fat
    • I started the year weighing 140lbs. That’s why I wanted to run to lose some of that weight and then get into a gym to turn that fat into lean muscles. Didn’t happen. Like I said, I was so busy that lack so much sleep and I compensated with eating just so I won’t disintegrate at work. Now I weigh around 160lbs and my neck started fusing with my face, I lost my jaw line.
  • Rufus and Rover
    • We bought Rufus for my birthday but then a week later he died of canine parvo-virus. A month later, we bought Rover and we thought we’re gonna keep him forever. Life is a bitch and decided to fuck me and took Rover from us after 3 months. I’m gonna tell you more about this on my next post. But before I do, let me just say, “Fuck you, life, for taking Rufus and Rover from us”.
  • Bankruptcy
    • Because of the vet bills and medicines and all other expenses with Rover and Rufus, I drained my savings account dry. I didn’t get to spend Christmas with my older brother who happens to be the only one in my family who’s still in the country but then probably already hates me for not spending Christmas with him. I didn’t get to see my nephews and youngest who was born on Christmas day because I don’t have money: money to give them and money for a jeepney ride to their houses.

There’s a lot more but I can’t say it here. But I think that’s more than enough reason why my 2011 sucks big time and this is what I have to say about it…

Although there were some ups but the downs far outweigh it so yeah… F**K YOU 2011.

So what if the world’s gonna end on 2012, it sure beats living 2011 all over again.

 

Disclaimer: You’d probably think that I have the rich kid problem, but let me just point out that I’m not really complaining. I’m just contemplating on how bad the year was for me but yet I’m still alive. If 2011 is this much suck-y for me, then the future looks bright since it couldn’t get any worse than that…

 

I think…

 

I hope.





Rufus

16 12 2011

I wasn’t on hiatus if anyone’s asking. I’ve just been busy with work, that’s it. Well, I’m not at work all week, but I’m busy resting and trying to get back some sleep I’ve lost during the weekday on weekends. This proves that you can never have work-life balance. I was told that if you talk too much about work life balance, you either do not work, or have no life at all.

I’ve tried several times to write something using the WordPress app on my phone, but that didn’t do me good. I attempted to write about Rufus, our first dog, but I thought it was too long and maybe no one would read it.

This is Rufus, 3 months old, Shih Tzu

Rufus is a 3-month old Shih Tzu when we first got him days after my birthday. We had him examined by a vet and was told that he needs to stay in our house for a week more before we proceed with the normal grooming and shots. We took him home and had to keep him in the carrier that we bought him with. It was the most heart-breaking sound when he cried through the night but we had to be strong to make him used to being alone at night. In the morning, we took him out for a walk around the neighborhood, we were the happiest seeing Rufus run and sniff around.

Saturday morning, I went home from work to feed Rufus. I felt bad because I had to leave him right away because I had a class that day. I didn’t place him back the carrier because I thought it’s too small for him. Instead, I placed him on his leash and left. Before I locked the door, I heard him cry. When I got home, we bought him a crate and he looks like he loved it.

Sunday, we stayed home to play with him the whole day. I loved the way he would crawl in the space between the bean bag where I would normally sit and the sofa. There he would beckon for me to scratch his belly and he would go straight to sleep.

Monday, I left early for work and went back the next morning @ 4am. Here I fed him right away but noticed he didn’t eat any of the food I gave him. I thought he’s probably not in the mood to eat. So I placed him back in his crate and went to sleep. When I wake up @9am, we found some vomit on the tray under his crate and I wondered where that came from since he didn’t eat that morning. I thought he might have just eaten something that didn’t agree with him. But when we tried to call him, he won’t move and appeared lethargic. We immediately rushed him to the vet where we found that he had Parvo. We were told that he had a 50/50 chance of surviving.

The next day, I called the vet for updates on Rufus but I was told that he wouldn’t eat and kept vomiting and his stool is still soft. I feared for the worst. We visited him for 3 days and noticed that he would try his best to still respond when although we were told that his health is not improving.

Friday morning, it was my turn to visit and I’m stuck in traffic on my way to the vet. I received a call from the Vet and was told that Rufus can’t breathe anymore, I was already crying. I told the cab driver to hurry. Just a few meters from the vet’s clinic, I received another call and this time a lady spoke to me saying that Rufus had already passed away. When I was called to get inside the operating room, I saw lying on the table the life-less body of Rufus. I cried so hard.

We were told that it’s impossible that Rufus caught the virus when he was with us since the virus had an incubation period of 7 to 14 days. Rufus may have had the virus already when we bought him. Funny because Rufus had the slip with all these vaccines showing he should’ve had immunity to this virus. We were told that the pet shop we bought him from may have just injected the vaccines themselves or probably didn’t do it at all.

The most heart-breaking part of it is that he is our first pet and we didn’t even had the chance to bathe him or had him groomed.

Now I understand why certain pet owners go to the extent of pampering their pets that it sometimes border exaggeration. Those days, no matter how few, when we went home and see Rufus jumping and barking at us made us alive once again and made us feel that someone’s waiting for us. Now I understand what made me cry when my uncle had our family dog killed for pulutan.

Rufus is just one in thousands of dogs sold in pet stores for a bargain price and probably meant nothing to the owner than a few thousand pesos. He is just one in thousands of dogs, everyday that are abused and killed because they couldn’t get a home. We’re just glad that we took Rufus out of that place and we somehow managed to make him feel loved and made us feel loved no matter how brief.





Wanted, Kuya

29 01 2011

Sila ang mga pamangkin ko. Si Vhon ang nasa kaliwa, si Vince ang nasa kanan. Hindi ako yung astronaut. Sa litratong ito, makikita niyo ba kung sino ang mas pilyo? Clue, hindi yung astronaut.

Born a day after I turned 21, Vhon came in the most unexpected time. I remember he was the cutest little baby, walang bias. Para siyang si Jose Rizal, maliit ang katawan at malaki ang ulo. Si Kuya ko ang kinuhang ninong alinsunod sa nakasanayang tamang order ng pagpili ng ninong kahit na anong pilit ko na ako dapat kasi magkasunod lang kami ng birthday.

Nung lumalaki si Vhon, napansin kong napakatahimik niyang bata. Kapag may kakausap sa kanya, titignan lang niya; laging nakanganga. Todo effort patawanin or pangitiin kapag kinukunan ng picture pero hindi naman suplado or matatakutin sa tao.

Vince was born 2 years after his Kuya Vhon. Nauna akong pumunta sa center nung pinanganak siya. Siguro dahil sa ako ang naunang nagpunta nung pinanganak siya or alinsunod din sa nakagawian, ako ang piniling ninong.

Masungit, suplado at moody. Laging nakakabit sa nanay niya.

Naging busy ako sa trabaho kaya hindi ko nasubaybayan ang paglaki ni Vince. Nakita ko na lang siya ulet nitong December. Umuwi kasi sila mama at papa para dito magbakasyon; unang beses nilang makikita ang bunso nilang apo. Nagulat ako na ibang-iba na ang batang dati’y ayaw magpakarga sa akin. Ngumiti siya at tinawag akong “Dada” (tawag kasi ng mga kamag-anak ko sa akin ay Dan-dan). Pagsambit ni Vince ng Dada, pakiramdam ko kilalang kilala niya ako kahit na dun lang niya ako ulit nakita.

Napansin ko minsan habang naglalaro silang magkapatid, kasama ang mga anak ng mga pinsan namin, na si Vhon ang mas tahimik di tulad ni Vince na paikot-ikot at panay interact sa ibang kalaro. Nakuha ni Vince ang ugali ng daddy niya at nakuha naman ni Vhon ang ugali ko. Maya-maya pa’y dumating na ang kalaro nilang isang malaking bully. Pinagkukuha ang mga laruan at tinulak si Vhon. Hindi nag-react si Vhon at biglang lumapit si Vince at tinulak ang tumulak sa kuya niya. Nung umambang gaganti ang bully sa kanya, bigla namang sumipa si Vince para hindi na makalapit sa kuya niya ang bully. Syempre, bilang tiyuhin nila kunwari sinaway ko ang violence, pero sa loob ko tuwang-tuwa ako.

Don’t get me wrong, hindi ko tinuturuan na maging bayolente or basag-ulo ang mga pamangkin ko. Lalong hindi ko tino-tolerate ang sakitan. Ang kinatuwa ko ay kung paano pinakita ni Vince ang pagmamahal niya sa Kuya niya. Napansin ko na everytime may umaaway sa kuya niya, lumalapit siya sa kanya at hinaharang ang umaaway at pinagtatanggol ang kuya niya.

Dito ako naiinggit sa kanila. Hindi kasi ganun ang mga kapatid ko. Although we grew up together, magkakaiba ang paglaki namin. Si kuya, tahimik lang at hindi nakikisalamuha sa tao kahit kamag-anak. Yung bunso, lahat ng kapitbahay kilala. Ako, yung kilala ko lang kinakausap ko. Hindi ako lumaking may kakampi. Kaya naman nung nagkamuang na ako at nagkaroon ng kakayanang kumita ng pera, bumukod na ako sa mga kapatid ko. Bagay na hindi maintindihan nila mama.

Kapag naaalala ko ang mga pamangkin ko, naiisip ko kung paano ba dapat ang mga magkakapatid. Mas magkatugma ang DNA ng magkapatid kaya dapat mas malalim ang ugnayan. Naiinggit nga ako sa mga kwento ng magkakapatid na sobrang close. Minsan kapag may nakakausap ako, iniisip ko na sana, swap na lang sila ng mga kapatid ko. Hindi naman kasi uso ang heart to heart talk or bonding sa pamilya namin.

Tinitignan ko lagi ang mga picture ng mga pamangkin ko. Nakakatuwa lalo na kapag magkaparehas ang mga damit nila. Naaalala ko noon na sa lahat halos ng picture naming magkakapatid, lagi magkakaparehas ang damit naming. Naiisip ko tuloy, kung ang ugnayan naming magkakapatid ay gaya ng sa mga pamangkin ko. Sana nung may umaaway sa akin nung bata ako, may nagtatanggol din.

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4:20am

19 01 2011

VL ko ngayon kaya ito nagawi na naman ako sa blog ko. Kawawa naman ang blog ko, kahit yung may-ari hindi man lang bisitahin. Nakapag-VL ako ngayon kasi ito yung mga natirang VL ko from last year na hindi ko naman nagamit. Since hindi naman convertible to cash, pinagamit na sa amin for this month.

Galing ako kanina sa dati kong pinagtatrabauhan. Sinamahan ko ang dati kong agent na nag-aapply ulit dun. Bago na ang mga guard na dati ay bumabati pa sa akin ng “Good Morning, Sir!” every time na pumapasok ako at binubuksan pa ang pintuan para sa akin na parang ako ang may-ari ng building. Although andun pa rin yung mga maintenance na dati ay nauutusan ko pang magpagising ng mga agent ko kapag natutulog sila sa sleeping quarters or magpakabit ng mga kung anu-ano sa bulletin board. Hindi na nila ako siguro namumukhaan kasi tumaba na ako or ayaw na lang talaga nila ako kausapin kasi sa dinami-dami ng pinag-uutos ko sa kanila noon (buti nga hindi ko sila inutusang bumili ng pagkain ko eh, kasamaan nang tunay yun)!

Bigla tuloy akong napa-reminisce ng last year ko. Exactly a year ago, nakatunganga ako sa bahay naghihintay magsimula sa trabaho. Hindi ko mawari noon kung nanghihinayang ba ako sa pag-alis ko sa dati kong kumpanya or kinakabahan lang kasi aalis ako sa supervisory position at babalik sa agent post.

Ngayon, wala nang bumabati sa akin pwera lang yung guard sa baba ng building na sa tingin ko lahat naman ginugudmorning niya. Wala na rin akong nauutusan na kumuha ng tubig sa pantry para sa akin. Wala na rin akong urge na pumasok 1 hour before my shift kasi wala naman na akong hahabuling reports na isa-submit sa manager namin.

Pero ‘ika nga, nagkaka-stiff neck lang ang taong walang ibang ginawa kundi pagsisihan ang nagdaan na. Oo, ako lang nagsabi nun.

Bakit 4:20am? Kasi around 4:20am ko rin sinimulang itipa itong post na ito. At konting trivia: Alam niyo bang ang lahat ng orasan sa pelikulang “Pulp Fiction” ay 4:20 ang oras?! Oha, sabi sa inyo may matututunan kayo sa mga blog ko eh.





Sana nabibili ang…

11 09 2010

I know, previously naihayag ko ang mga frustration ko sa pagiging dukha o sa hindi gaanong kayamanan. Pero hayaan niyo naman na ihayag ko ang mga bagay na sa katayuan ko ngayon, let me say again for the record na hindi ako mayaman, ay mga mahirap nang maatim. Kung sana lang nabibili ang…

  • Tulog

    Hindi kaila sa lahat na isa sa down-side ng pagiging kolzenner ay kulang ka lagi sa tulog. Andyan yung pauwi ka pa lang eh nasa utak mo na yung kamang hihigaan mo. Sana may makaimbento ng mga sasakyang pampubliko sa pinas na may higaan na at diretso na sa kwarto mo. Kung may pagkakataon mang makatulog, bihira akong makakuha ng mahimbing at diretsong tulog. Andyan yung magigising ka kasi yung kapitbahay naaliw mabuti sa pinapanood o may asong kakahol kasi may kumatok na kartero (muntik ko na makalimutan tagalong ng Mailman). Kung isang mapayapang tanghali naman, magigising ka naman sa init kasi nag-brownout or hindi lang nakayanan ng erkon. Kung minalas-malas ka, lahat ng bagay sa buong universe ay pumirma na sa pagtulog mo kaso hindi ka naman makatulog kasi… wala lang! Trip lang ng diwa mong sariwain lahat ng lyrics ng mga kanta o mag-shimmering flashback sa nakaraan kahit na may bitbit nang pouch ang eyebags mo!

  • Oras

    Although hindi naman talaga kolzenner ang pinapasukan ko, or yung trabaho ko mismo, sa gabi pa rin kailangang mag-trabaho. Gahol sa oras madalas. Pilit hinahabol ang isang bagay na hindi naman mahuhuli. Paglabas ng trabaho, oras naman para mag-enjoy or magpahinga. Marami akong kasamang mga pamilyado na. Sila yung ubod ng hirap ayaing tumambay muna or lumabas lalo na sa weekend kasi syempre naman, iyon lang ang oras nila sa pamilya nila. Sa akin naman, nauubos ng tulog at pahinga ang oras na sana ay ginugol ko para matutong mag-maneho (kahit wala akong tsikot) or magbasa ng libro para may matutunan naman (hindi yung puro sign-board na lang ng bus o laman ng kyumpyuter ang nababasa) or magtatakbo ulet para hindi na lumaki pa lalo ang tyan ko.

Kanina sa opisina dinaing ko ito. Sagot ng ungas kong kasama: “Oo naman, nabibili yan… mag-resign ka!”

Nagimbal ang mundo ko, peeps. Nag-shimmering flashback tuloy ang isip ko sa mga panahong wala akong trabaho at one-scratch-one-beak ako! Yung panahong ako’y nakatihaya sa sahig hanggang sa tubuan ako ng kabute at kabisado ko ang program sa radio at lifestyle network. Yung panahong lahat ng tulog at oras sa mundo ay nasa akin. Yung panahong inggit na inggit ako sa mga kakilala kong may pang-text araw-araw samantalang ako wala kahit pang reply sa napakaimportanteng text!

So mga bata… ano ang natutunan niyo kay MD ngayon?





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28 07 2010

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Not myself

31 05 2010

Would you love me when I’m not myself?

Sa likod ng nabuo mong imahe kung sino ako, mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako kapag nakita mong iba ako?

Galing ako sa isang ubod na nakakapagod na biyahe papauwi at biglang may bumunggo sa akin, magbabago ba ang isip mo tungkol sa akin kapag bigla kong sinapak ang nakabunggo sa akin?

Minsan naiisip kong may sanib ako. Yung ilang pagkakataon sa buhay ko na hindi ko mawari kung ano ang nakain ko at nagawa ko ang ilang bagay na pinagsisisihan ko.

Gaya nung minsang may hinila akong babae sa loob ng taxi dahil nauna ako sa kanya at inagaw niya ang taxi na iyon. Hindi ako proud sa pangyayaring iyon, pero naunahan ng galit, pagod at init ng panahon ang judgement ko.

O kaya naman, kapag bigla akong nagagalit at hindi ka na kinikibo noong nag-order tayo sa Chowking at biglang naputol ang linya.

Kapag hindi na ako ang nakilala mo – iyung taong minahal mo dahil sa kabaitan, pagiging maunawain, tahimik – mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako?

Kapag nalaman mong hindi pala totoo ang mukhang pinakita ko sa’yo simula ng makilala mo ako, ititigil mo na rin bang mahalin ako?

Hindi ko masisigurado kung hanggang kalian ako ganito sa paningin mo. Pero kung magbago man ako sa paningin mo, magbabago rin ba ang pagmamahal na binigay mo sa akin?

Mamahalin mo pa rin ba ako?